My friends don't know what to say
Let alone what to do
They started to feel awkward
By my side
It wouldn't be a surprise
If you felt the same
When I put you against a wall
Giving you kisses
I'm afraid you didn't want
'Cause you'd always whisper
"I'm sorry
Here they come"
And you would put your hand on my chest
Month after month I thought
That's how it'd work
Loving you was meant
To be this way
Feelings inside a cage
We can see but we can't touch
And now that you're gone
It's still in my head
Driving me crazy and here I am
Doing my favorite things
For when you're not here
Like starving 'til I feel the haze
Or cut so I can see the rеd
The red that is dropping from herе
They call it a wound, I hear
It's drawing a line through my arm
Through my finger
It fell to the ground and so did I
The red that it shines from your head
You're burning hot, I swear
But you're fucking bored by my side, I don't blame you
Who in their right mind would bother with my doom
Can we take a moment
To praise your legs
What about those little hands?
Your hazy eyes
Can I put you closer
So I can feel
Your body
Your fucking body
Reminder of Winter '18
When the stars and the moon fell by 6
And you were as horny as I was and we went
To kiss in the corners of this fucking city
I remember the gleam in your eyes
It was honest because of your laugh
Goddamn my disorder, goddamn my depression
The violence of them changed your expression
Can I take a moment
To change my mind
I'm the one to fucking blame
I ruin it all
Can I take a moment
To tell you that
I know you loved me
Somehow
In the deepest of ways
I know you did
But my heart was heavier
Than you could handle
Can you take a moment, though
For yourself
I see you meeting other men
It's a nightmare
Crying in the shower
For your birthday
Hoping you find your way
Hoping you find your men
Crying to the nightsky
So I could go to sleep
Whispering your name
Pretending you are there
(It'll always be this way
Rowan, Rowan
Oh well, oh well
Rowan...)