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Alaska Thunderfuck - Christmas Stories Interlude Lyrics

[Queens Discussing]
Thorgy: Ugh. By the way, I had always like wonderful Christmases, but did anybody ever have like burn down? Like, when they were young or anything?
Others: No...
Jiggly: I wanted a Barbie so bad, but my mom gave me a G.I. Joe.
Manila: Okay, but does anyone have any really bad Christmas stories?
Alaska: Umm, this one time my dad got my mom a curly fry maker.
Jackie: ...A what?
Alaska: It's like a curling iron, but for potatoes.
Others: Ohhh....
Manila: Yeah.. Deep-fried carbs on Christmas is pretty bad, but does anyone have any really, really bad Christmas stories?
Jackie: Hey, you guys, I've got one.
Manila: Yeah, what is it, Jackie Beat?
Jackie: Picture it. Me, a little girl, sitting at the Christmas table surrounded by my family. The year was 1989 and--
Alaska: Girl, really?
Jackie: ...1972. Shut up and let me tell the story. *Choking up* Anyway, so there I am, surrounded by my family like I said, eating Christmas dinner, and I turned to my dad and I said "Hey, dad, will you please pass the gravy?" and guess what he said?...
Alaska: That he's not your real dad, and he never was?
Jackie: No. He said, and get this, "Sorry, Jackie, we're out of gravy!"
*Queens gasp and Jackie sobs*
Alaska: Oh, you're such a card, Jackie. And speaking of cards, this is my new song, "Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux".