[Verse]
Losin touch wit myself
As these strange feelins that I hide start to strain my health
See, I really can't tell whether the talkin and therapy sessions even fuckin helped
Hope this poem does me well, even now as I recite the shit my eyes start to swell
Bright thoughts turned pale
Feel like the closest ones around me really the demons in my hell
Let's peddle back to 2012
Was barely old enough to drink but not too young to go to jail
Got attracted to the smell, of jasmine flowers, Haitian cuisine, under a spell
In just 2 short years I'd be Caesar watchin Mona Lisa fall for John dear
My mind was bout as clear, as the message from OG's bout letting snakes near
[Hook]
Keepin grass on a low profile, move fast if you hear another hiss
Went numb so I just don't smile, go ghost though won't be missed
Strange thoughts with a change of heart made for art
Get lost trynna go legit
Had long nights, soul ice
Trynna take my life, think twice, still pull the trigg
Truly sick
[Verse 2]
Paranoid to try again cause it might miss
Nigga gotta write this
Only 18 when I stepped to the world with some verbs and some herbs and a pad and a pen
Stickin to the word wit them niggas on the curb
That's my code
That's my law
All my honor and my Zen
Stressin 9-5s, open mics day and night
Makin bread not for I but for family and friends
Supportin the latter, nobody warns that it gets shakey after
School days, renegades, GMO Gatorades, bastards
Graduets droppin out yea we backwards
Seems we growing up faster, still playin catch up
Egos crashin, fire, is it pride or is it passion?
Even though I'm tryin feel the efforts keep on crashin
Hoppin out the fryin into flames how it catch ya
Leapin wit no knowledge, thinkin life will let it happen
Thinkin like a scholar wit minimal dollars, see the incentive is karma
Now if that's a bitch, it must explain my passiveness
And why I crossed that bridge to rack up all the damages
[Bridge]
Shit, these strange feels
Prayin the pain heals but still, can't deal
Copin wit somethin real
Emotions in the heart turn to soldiers on the field
While my soul remains colder than steel, too ill can't even feel X2
[Outro]
And as I sit, thinkin gets too intense
These circumstances meant to circumvent
The negativity that's in my head
Well maybe I'll try again , hoping this feelin can meet an end
Therapy sessions me and my pen
Strange to think of us as friends