[Intro: Heidi Garner]
Hit it
[Verse 1: Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Sarah Sherman, Heidi Gardner]
The bridesmaids wanted a celebration
So we took a trip, bachelorette vacation
'Cause we know she needs one, a break from Matthew
Just kidding, Matt, we're glad she has you
[Pre-Chorus: Ariana Grande, Chloe Fineman]
We're out, the shots are flowing, yeah
Guys on the dance floor grooving, yeah
We say, "No thanks, she's taken," yeah
(Sing it)
[Chorus: Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Heidi Gardner, Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Sarah Sherman & Heidi Gardner]
Now she's with a hot guy, but he looks gay, heard his name is Domingo
Second location, maybe he's bi, still dancing with Domingo
Third location, fully straight, fully touching Domingo
"I can't wait to be his wife," she's pointing to Domingo
[Spoken Interlude: Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman]
So quick question, who's Domingo?
Oh, just this random guy we met, I told you about him
I'm positive you did not
[Verse 2: Ariana Grande, Sarah Sherman & Ego Nwodim]
In the bathroom, we take her aside
She says, "Don't worry, we won't cross the line"
"Think of your fiancé," she says, "Good reminder"
Hands me her ring, then we can't find her
[Spoken Interlude: Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman]
You took off your ring? Is this true?
Well, I just didn't want to lose it in the hot tub
What hot tub?
[Chorus 2: Sarah Sherman, Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Sarah Sherman & Heidi Gardner]
Now we're back in the house, in the hot tub, she's there with Domingo
Ask us to leave, get a hotel, she's vibing with Domingo
[Spoken Interlude: Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman]
You asked them to leave and get a hotel?
Shh! You're missing it
[Verse 3: Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Sarah Sherman & Heidi Gardner]
At the Marriott, googling Domingo
Just to make sure he's not psycho
But he's actually a doctor and randomly a model
And he volunteers with weird, sick animals (Ohh!)
[Spoken Interlude: Andrew Dismukes, Heidi Gardner, Ariana Grande]
Is the point of this song just that Kelsey cheated on me all weekend?
No, the point is, it's Espresso
You're not even listening to the lyrics
That's all I'm listening to
[Verse 4: Sarah Sherman, Ariana Grande, Ego Nwodim, Heidi Gardner]
The next day, she said, "Nothing happened"
They talked all night about you, Matthew
Then at brunch, she just starts crying
We ask her, "Why?", she says, "I'm just so tired"
We say, "Take a nap"
She says, "I'm not that kind of tired"
[Spoken Interlude: Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman, Marcello Hernandez]
Okay, I need answers now about you and whoever this Domingo guy is
And not for nothing, but the rhyme scheme has gone completely out the window
Okay look, I'm sorry I met someone I connected with, but Domingo is in the past
Kelsey, I'm here
See now, if this is Domingo, I'm gonna be pissed
[Verse 4: Marcello Hernandez]
(Hey Matt!) Came all this way, had to explain, direct from Domingo
Kelsey's a friend, she's like my sis, but we did hook up though
[Outro: Andrew Dismukes, Chloe Fineman]
What? Why would you guys tell me this through song?
I hope we can still be friends