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Metallica - Some Kind Of Monster Film Transcript Lyrics

So, what we're gonna do is,

we're gonna play back







some of the band's new songs.







There'll be no cameras allowed

in there.
There'll be no video,

no bags in there.







You can only walk in

with paper and a pencil.







- We're ready.

- Are there any questions?
You want a single?







Camera over here.







Was there ever a moment you

thought about stopping with Metallica
or the whole band was falling apart?







Was it a kind of a power struggle

between you and him?







How did you manage

to solve this crisis?







Where in God's name are you

getting this aggression from







on this new album?

Where's it coming from?







Why did it take so long to release

an album with the new songs?







After years,

is it possible to retain the fire







that, you know, you guys once had

at the beginning?







Do you think the young generation of

metal fans will accept the new album?







Eighty-five million records, years.







I think it's albums

and various official releases.







One word.







Oh, my God.







One word to span our career?







We are scanning the scene

In the city tonight







We're looking for you

To start up a fight







There is an evil feeling in our brains







But it's nothing new

You know it drives us insane







Running, on our way

Hiding, you will pay







Dying, deaths







Running, on our way

Hiding, you will pay







Dying, deaths







Searching







Seek and destroy







Searching







Seek and destroy







Thank you!







After years of headbanging,

Metallica bassist Jason Newsted







has quit the band, citing:







"Private and personal reasons

and the physical damage that I've done







to myself over the years

while playing the music I love."







Metallica's management had no

comment when asked by MTV News







if there's a replacement

waiting in the wings.







But the band is still scheduled to begin

recording a new album this spring.







That's the news for now.

Stay tuned for more news.







I mean, I think everybody understands

the concept of trusting instincts.







That's getting to a place where

you don't let egos and let stuff







get in the way of artistic expression.

You know?







I mean, do you wanna say more?

I think everybody understands...







I met Metallica through

Q Prime Management,







after having seen me work

with another band of theirs,







when they called

and said that Metallica,







with Jason announcing

that he was exiting the group,







needed to take a look

at itself and say:







"Well, what's going on here? We've lost

touch with our personal relationships,"







and face some of the issues that I think

Q Prime felt that they were headed for.







You know, we haven't really worked

together for almost nine months.







When we were talking a couple

of days ago about whether--







You know, if we wanted

to do this film or not,







I was wondering if having these

guys in here would affect that.







Because I'm just--

There's an intimacy that you get







when it's just a few people

in the room,







and I'm just wondering

if that's gonna get lost,







if we're gonna go back

to sort of, like,







battling each other and trying

to be, like, all strong and--







What intimacy?

What the fuck are you talking about?







I think, to me, it's not gonna

be a matter of whether







the cameras are in play,







but whether or not you guys

are free enough







to risk being seen by other people.







We're here in the Presidio

in San Francisco,







and this is gonna be the location

where Metallica







is gonna start recording

their next album.







We decided that we didn't wanna

go back into a studio again







and do kind of, like, the same thing

we had done before.







We had to kind of change things up.







And this is one of the things

that we talked about,







was to go into a space

that's not a studio,







bring in kind of, like, a portable studio

or a makeshift studio,







and basically make

the situation uncomfortable.







You know, don't buy new furniture,

don't paint the walls.







Don't do anything.

Just keep it Spartan, keep it crude.







They're such a success

that you can get comfortable.







I don't think they wanna be

comfortable.







There's definitely a vibe in here.







They got a lot of attitude,

and I think they want it







to come out on this next album.







How did you approach

this record differently?







Did you talk about things, did you

have ideas, keywords, things like that,







that you wanted to put across

before you started







putting the whole thing together?







Well, ego was a big one.

Coming in here







and not bringing a riff,

not bringing a song,







not bringing a title. Nothing.







Me and James did not meet

somewhere else







and come in here with material,

with songs, with music.







This time we all got in a room

and just started playing.







And that's how we wrote songs.







The idea is it should

sound like a band getting together







in a garage for the first time.







Only the band's Metallica.







I really like going fast.







Just go off and meditate

in the wind, you know.







As corny as it sounds, it works,

and it feels good.







It's a good way to just let the weight

of the world off every once in a while.







It is-- It is kind of strange being,

you know,







like, a famous guy. You know.







This is-- This is part of me

that's trying to be unfamous, I guess.







But it's also

go-against-the-rules attitude.







You know, is this a big pose?

I mean, yes, this is a pose.







I mean, am I driving down the street

to not get noticed in this thing?







I mean, "rebellious" is kind of

what this says, I would say.







- Have you got a plug-in here?

- Wait.







So, what exactly are you doing?







Well, you'll just hold it

above the pickups.







Oh, okay. I got you.







Yeah!







Give me fuel, give me fire

Give me that which I desire







I got some bad news.

Gonna have to--







Change the lyrics?







I like this thing, Bob.







- What?

- I like this thing.







I used to kid myself that art was

my great escape away from music.







And I think I've become

increasingly aware







that my interest in art, music

and Metallica







is not separate from anything.







You know, where does he feel

that there's enough







of that kind of gold thing?







How come there isn't

another strokes







up in that black area up there,

where it's kind of bare?







Where are the starting points

and the end points,







if you know what I mean?

When's a song done?







What the fuck does

that mean, anyway? Done.







When's a record done?







You know, where does a record start?

Where does it end?







Where does the process start?

Where does the process end?







All that type of stuff.

Do you know what I mean?







- Daddy!

- It's really interesting.







Yes, sweetie.







I don't feel anything great there.







I don't think

it's that great of a riff either.







- How do you hear the riff then?

- I like that:







And then:







Yeah.







In nine days, it'll be

my two-year anniversary of surfing.







It's taken the place of a lot

of bad things in my life.







So I basically stopped doing

the drugs that I was doing







and cut way back on my drinking.







You can't surf

when you're hung-over.







You can't surf if you've been up

all night. Well, at least I can't.







There's a sort of individualism,

also, about surfing that I like.







I mean, when it's your moment, man,

that's your moment and yours alone.







And no one can help you.







For all intents and purposes, we go

into this record completely equal.







Everybody contributing







just as much on the lyric front

as James contributing







with drum parts and...







As soon as you started talking

about that, I just like...







Yeah. Yeah. You flash back now.







Well...







You wanna hear it with vocals?







Go sing it.







You guys had some rules

about that before.







Quite frankly, I don't give a fuck.

I'm tired of arguing.







You couldn't talk about his lyrics,







therefore, he couldn't talk about

your drumming.







- Right.

- Do you know what I mean?







And you and him did the solos,







so you weren't allowed to comment

on the solos.







Do you know what I mean?

There was, like, rules.







Are you telling me that

those boundaries are gone now?







In the past, what we did was







started with a bunch of ideas existing

on tape from everybody.







Then me and James would sit down

and turn those ideas into songs.







And then we would tell the rest

of the band what to play







and when to play

and how to play it.







There was never any,

just, other ways of doing it.







You know, it's a whole new thing

for me.







You know, writing in front

of everybody,







because I've always just gone

into my own head







and wrote stuff down,

instead of taking things from outside







and putting them down.







What I was thinking is, is like--

"These are the hands that--"







"This is the face that--"

So it's, like--







Building a Frankenstein

or something?







- Yeah. Pretty much.

- Building what?







- "This is the top of my head that's flat."

- A Frankenstein.







"These are my bolts..."







We're on the same

stream of consciousness here.







We're just all working

on the same creative wavelength.







And it's inspiring to me.







Now I can further express myself

with these lyrics







now that, you know, James has

opened that door for Lars and I.







- This is "clay," right?

- Yeah.







- Not "clam."

- Clay.







"These hands finger the clam."







These are the eyes

That can't see through me







This is the tongue

That speaks on the inside







Make sure you really, like,

spit "can't see me."







These are the eyes

That can't see me!







These are the eyes

That can't see me







These are the hands

That drop your trust







- "This is the--"

- Yeah.







This is the eye--

Yeah.







This is the eye

That can't see me







This is the hand

That drops your trust







These are the boots

That kick you around







This is the voice of silence no more







- What is this about?

- Well, I mean, I said Frankenstein.







It's not that far off,

talking about pieces of things.







So, I mean, some kind of monster.







Some kind of monster?







- You know?

- Some kind of monster.







- It is-- It is good.

- You know what I mean?







I like that.







Some kind of monster







Some kind of monster







The monster lives







"We come now to create

our album of life.







Throughout our individual

and collective journeys,







sometimes through pain and conflict,







we've discovered the true meaning

of family.







As we accomplish ultimate

togetherness,







we become healers of ourselves







and the countless who embrace us

and our message.







We have learned,

and we understand.







Now we must share."







- So that's just--

- A mission statement.







- A what statement?

- Mission statement.







- Mission?

- Yeah, mission.







- It's like-- You know, it sets a goal,

- Right.







so you just can, like, just always be

reminded of, you know--







You know, what the ultimate goal is.







All right.







It's my world, you can't have it

It's my world, you can't have it







It's my world, you can't have it







It's my world, my world

You can't have it







Sucker!







Excellent.







Come on, little man. Let's go.







Skylar, do you want your purse?







- Daddy.

- I'll come. I'll come.







Come, Daddy. Come, Daddy.







I don't know how you guys feel, but

it's really awesome what we're doing.







The four of us can just go

in a fucking room







and roll that kind of shit

out of our sleeves.







Pull it out of thin air, man.







It's so exciting, because

that has just never happened before.







I couldn't get to sleep last night,

because I was still wired from it all.







How do you feel? You don't

seem really psyched about it.







What the hell.







- How's it going? Good to see you.

- Yeah, thank you.







- How many bears did you kill?

- Two.







Russia's fucked up.

You know, it was like,







you put a bottle of water here

on the table.







That was it,

a bottle of vodka sitting there.







- Did you drink vodka?

- Hell, yeah.







- You did?

- What else is there to drink?







As soon as you got there,

it was like, "Na zdoroviya!"







Na zdoroviya!







That's a pretty big bear.







- Is bear edible?

- They were no good to eat.







That freaked me out when

they didn't take any meat.







You know, they have been hibernating

for three months,







so they haven't pissed or shit

or nothing.







- Oh, so they're toxic?

- Yeah.







Third day, I killed my bear,







and I was just in camp

for the rest of the time.







I was like, "Oh, my God."







- Worked on lyrics?

- Yeah. I actually did.







That was a lot of time, man.







A lot of time.







I worked on lyrics in Siberia.







How to drink vodka

and work on lyrics.







Temptation

Wreck my head







Temptation

Make you dead







Temptation

Sucks my soul







Temptation

Fill no hole







Temptation







Fuck you up

Temptation







No, no, no, no

I can't say no







Can't say no

No







No

No, no, no







Can't say no







Oh, no

I can't say no







Go away







Leave me be







Just leave me be







So, what were the reactions you got

from those close?







I mean, how did the family react?







I'm just-- I don't know.

Sometimes I'm a real ass about it







and just come in and say,

"Oh, by the way,







I'm going to Russia for two weeks

right here."







You know, and, "What?" You know.







Yeah, I'm getting better at that,

you know,







because that was the most

I missed my family ever.







- You know?

- Right.







And it was, you know,

Castor's first birthday I missed.







- Right.

- And it was--







Of course, we had a little vodka

to Castor.







Did a little shot for him

and everything.







But I would've loved to have

been able to get ahold of home.







Who's here?







This is Daddy working.







- This is where Dad works?

- Yeah.







- What does your dad do for work?

- Drums.







- He plays drums?

- Yeah.







- Let me play drums.

- Is he good at it?







- Daddy, wanna play drums?

- I played drums a lot today already.







I'm okay. You play for a while.







- Those guys,

- That's very good.







you know, their plate is filled

with many, many things.







And music is just one of the things.







- Say, "Bye, James."

- Bye, James.







Bye, buddy.







I chose not to have children

and do those kind of things.







My music, that's my children.

You know?







Daddy's gonna stay and work

for a little while.







But since I decided to do it

with music,







then that's what I have

to fill my time with.







Echobrain is one of the projects

that I've been working on for years.







And now it's come to fruition.







And then when it comes to the time

where my main cat, James,







tells me that basically

he couldn't be in a band with me







if I did the--

Took this other project to this level.







And after years of working

together and going on buses







and, you know, the stories, man...







There was no way that this thing

that I was doing







could affect the monster of Metallica.

I just don't see how it could.







And so-- And saying things like that,







I couldn't accept that kind of







limited acceptance.







I also know that this relationship

is not over.







You know, he'll-- It'll come

around again at some point.







You guys will make contact.







At that time the managers suggested







that we have a psychotherapist

come in,







a man that meets

with pro-ball teams,







you know, big-ego, big-dollar guys

that can't get along







but have to make

some kind of entity flow







so everybody else and everybody

can make their money.







And I actually said:







"I think that this is

really fucking lame







and weak that we

cannot get together. Us.







Look, the biggest heavy band

of all time.







And the things we've been through,

and decisions we've made







about squillions of dollars

and squillions of people.







And this, we can't get over this?"







Was it more than just

the Echobrain thing?







Because that's, like, you know,

what has been discussed.







He felt like he wasn't free enough

to do what he needed to do.







Since he wasn't getting his creativity

out enough in Metallica,







he needed to get it out

somewhere else.







And I totally understand that now.







And...







On my side of that was,







I didn't want him to enjoy that

more than Metallica.







I didn't want anyone

to leave Metallica.







I didn't want to feel

that we weren't enough







or something like that.







And it was-- Through my--







I guess the way I learned how

to love things







was just to choke them to death.







You know?

"Don't go anywhere. Don't leave."







You know?

"You have to stay here."







Okay.







Need a pen, none of this pencil shit.







Check it out, man,

he can't even fucking spell it right.







"Metllica."

We've only been together years.







I feel guilty that I'm not inspired

all the time.







You know, especially

when everyone else is.







It's like, "Okay."

We kind of get to the point







where the song is looped twice

in the Pro Tools,







and I know Bob's gonna hit me up

for some kind of lyric ideas.







"Oh, shit." I was, like,

dreading the whole process.







It's like, "Why are you dreading it?

Why don't you just--?"







Well, you're dreading it

because of what?







- Let's get to the fear.

- Well, because I didn't have anything.







- And so if you didn't have anything--

- Wasn't inspired enough







to have something or letting down

the team or some vibe like that.







One, two, three, five.







Say it, I'm lonely, yeah







Motherfucking in my head







It's like I'm almost,

like, racing against time.







There's, like, weird-ass fear of like:







"I gotta come up with something

myself really quick







before somebody else comes up

with something for me."







And then if I don't like it

or don't percent embrace it,







then I'm just being a selfish,

you know, insular asshole.







It's a fear response.

When we're up against a fear,







that's the time to move into it,

forward.







Because there's going to be

some kind of genius there







or some kind of breakthrough.







Motherfucker, yeah







Metallica. Metallica.







Kirk.







Kirk.







Kirk. Kirk!







- Kirk.

- Kirk!







- Kirk.

- Kirk!







- Yes.

- Kirk.







- James is trying to talk to you.

- Sorry, man.







Yeah, it's a bit stock.







Check it out, guys.







I don't know how you feel.

I'm in a shit mood.







And I'm not digging it right now.







Even last night, I gotta tell you,

everybody kind of looked--







I hate to tell you, looked pretty burnt.







I agree.







And if we don't start earlier

and end earlier, I'm just--







I'm not gonna be in a good mood

for the rest of this shit, you know?







That was totally weird for me.







You hear that, Bob?







Why don't you try getting

a more solid beat.







- Regular.

- Oh, well, you can call it regular.







- You called it regular.

- No, I'm trying not to call it regular,







because I know it bugs you

when I call it regular.







So a little more solid, then.







Fuck!







Maybe we should talk

about next week.







- Well, all next week is therapy.

- Yeah.







Do we have to do that?

Can we sack Phil?







I mean, we gotta find--

We gotta find a balance to not--







You know, the Phil stuff's important,







and I hope we all feel that that's

an investment in the music.







It's an important part of the record.







Get all holy again







Let me just go put one together.







Get all holy again







- It's just real confusing sounding.

- It's just jacking the vocals all up.







I mean-- I mean,

it's clever and everything.







But, I mean, I don't see

what it does to the--







I think that's how you hear it, dude.

That's fine.







I'm just trying to do something

different.







I mean, I'm-- I'm used to having

the drummer do the beat part.







You know what I mean?

Holding it together.







What I'm hearing is...







Choose my words carefully here.







It's pretty straightforward.

And the guitar shit, it's--







You know, it's a little stock.







So I started trying to introduce

some kind of edge to it on the drums.







Those things we throw out

to each other are complete bullshit.







You know? "It sounds too stock.

It sounds too normal to me."







I mean--







You know what I mean?

You're saying this shit







so you can get your point across

about doing a drum beat.







I mean... You know,

it doesn't hold any water.







- To you.

- It doesn't.







I think it's fucking stock. What--?

Which part of that is unclear to you?







I think it sounds stock to my ears.







I mean, do you want me

to write it down? I think--







- Oh, yeah, please write it down.

- It feels stock, okay?







- I can't hear you.

- So l--







No, when you say-- You're telling

me what to play, right now.







You're telling me, "You should

play with what Kirk's doing."







- And I'm telling you it's stock.

- Dude, fine.







You know what, you guys, why don't

we just go in and hammer it out,







all right, instead of hammering

on each other.







We're in shit moods, and we're not

gonna get anything done here today.







- All you wanna do is pick a fight.

- I don't wanna pick a fight.







This is so silly.

You're just sitting there going:







"I'm in a really pissy mood and--"







And I fucking told you

straight up that I was!







- Right.

- And what are you trying to do?







I'm not trying to do fucking shit.







You're just sitting here

being a complete dick.







You're-- You're really helping matters.

You're really good at that.







I was straight up with you,

and I told you, I'm in a shit mood.







And what have you been doing?

Fucking picking at me all night.







Come on, guys.

We've got better things to do.







Yeah, I do. I do.







Metallica front man, James Hetfield,

has entered a rehabilitation facility







to undergo treatment for alcoholism

and other undisclosed addictions.







In a statement posted

on Metallica's official website,







the band writes, "James has entered

an undisclosed facility,







and he will continue to receive

treatment until further notice.







Until then we have postponed

all current activities,







including recording sessions

for our new album."







Metallica, whose hard-partying ways

earned them the nickname Alcoholica,







have been working on their follow-up

to the double disc...







I think it's easy to see that,

in those days,







Metallica brought a kind of

physicality to rock 'n' roll.







Let's say the Beatles,

the Rolling Stones,







you know, and all that inspired

some of the British rock music







that then developed after that.







And let's say the metal music







and Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath

and all of that.







And then, out of that again,

then, let's say,







then came Lars

and all of that and being--







So I think that they have certainly

a place in all of that, I think.







Lars had a very good vision

at the time







of where he saw that particular--







You know, the metal music going,

because he could see it







with European ears and eyes maybe.







Don't you feel that it's great for you







to have your father's perspective on

who you are and what you're doing?







I think that's incredible.







You talk about the lineage...

Which we did,







we talked a little bit

about your grandfather.







It's very difficult to admit it,

especially with him standing next to me.







It's easier to talk about it

when he's not in my presence.







But...

Of course it is.







What would you--?

What would you say in private?







- To who?

- To anybody, without him here.







Say it.

You know, what would it be?







Well, I mean, I've already said it

to you countless times.







Well, have you said it to him?







You brought it up. I didn't bring it up.







What is it you feel you've said

that you're not saying now?







I think maybe in some ways

some of the--







To me that's--







Fear of status quo comes a little bit

from this direction over here.







I think that--

I mean, there's nothing worse







than when I have to go to him

and play the new record







and know there's something

on there that sucks.







And he can see right through that

in two and a half seconds flat.







Comments on that one?







I would say, you know, if you said:







"If you were our adviser,

what would you say?"







Then I would say, "Delete that."







I mean-- I mean,

I don't know for you guys.







For me, it doesn't cut it.

You know?







- But--

- Interesting. I mean, it's interesting.







You know, now-- I mean, other

than the people involved here,







the only other people who've heard

any of this music is Cliff Burnstein.







When Cliff Burnstein heard that, he

thought that should open the record.







Yeah. I mean, that could well be.







But I'm pretty sure that--







That I really-- That I really--

I really don't think so.







You know?

I really don't think so.







- Right.

- For me, that--







That doesn't sound right

or something. You know?







Unless I'm a guy

that's kind of shouting







in some kind of echo chamber.







So I think one

of our responsibilities here







is to act like a band

that's still continuing.







We're going on.

We're doing our exploring.







We're exploring ourselves individually,

we're exploring our relationships.







And we really need to get together,

talk about this,







act like the band exists,

because it does exist.







And if we don't do that,

then we are the coproducers







of the process slipping off the planet.







This is a bit

of a shit sandwich, though.







What does it--?

The unravelling of a band?







And then there were two?







So a good friend of mine

phoned me.







And he knew where James was.







- Really?

- Yeah.







He couldn't even imagine James

doing anything for six months.







I'm prepared for the worst.







I'm pretty confident that, you know,







we will come together

when the time is right.







But knowing when

that time will come,







or not knowing

when that time will come,







is very, very uncomfortable.







I hope that at some point

he will come back







and try and finish the making

of this record.







lf...







If he walked away from Metallica,

I'm not sure







that it would surprise me.







Say your prayers, little one







Don't forget, my son

To include everyone







I've always felt that James

was a softer, more caring,







compassionate person than he

allowed himself to be to most people.







I can remember

from the Dave Mustaine days,







I mean, when him and Dave Mustaine,

these guys, they started right away







with their big, you know,

chests beating and their mannerisms,







and the whole thing was very much

about this kind of, like, macho--







It was just, like--

I couldn't deal with that stuff.







And looking back on, I mean,

what was that, years ago,







I mean, I just felt so alienated,

because it was just so far removed







from the upbringing

that I come from.







Well, here's to you, my friends.







But then, at the same time,

I'm starting to realizing now







that the sort of depressive things

that show up







as a result of the alcohol

and stuff like that,







it was just very difficult for him

to communicate from the heart.







- You want some or not?

- And not hide behind







a lot of these different fronts.







Whether it's alcohol, that gives

him a false sense of strength







or the front man in Metallica







or, you know, macho bullshit

and all that stuff.







All right, now you guys are drunk,

and I'm drunk.







Now this is the fun part, man.







I want to help him.

I want to be there for him.







And I want to do the best I can







to make him the best person

that he can be.







So I don't know how the fuck

it's gonna play out.







It's really healthy for me to be here

without any pressure







or anything related to the band







or anyone who would remind me

of the band.







And to recognize what's real.







Our sessions with Phil really stirred up

a lot of things in James







that he thought that he needed

to address.







Mentally, it's really taken--







Taken its toll on myself, you know,

and I'm very worried about him.







And, you know, whenever

you check yourself into rehab,







they don't-- They don't focus on, you

know, the fact that you're an alcoholic.







They go much deeper, you know?

I mean, they go way deep.







They crack you open

and then spill you out







and examine all the things

that are on the table.







I've spoken to him a few times,







and, you know,

I know he's having a rough trip.







No matter how bad it gets, eventually

things seem to sort themselves out,







sooner or later.







Whether it's good or bad,

they sort themselves out.







I watched the people

around the world say







what a great guitar player Kirk is







and what a piece of shit I am.

And that I got kicked out of Metallica.







And I wasn't good enough for them.

And that I was a loser.







And I've had to deal with that

for almost years.







It's a dreadful experience.







It's been hard, Lars.







It's been hard to watch everything that

you guys do and you touch turn to gold







and everything I do fucking backfire.







And I'm sure there's

a lot of people that







they would consider my backfire

complete success.







You know? And am I happy

being number two? No.







You know? You're just now

encountering something







I've been going

through years.







I've never had a chance

to be able to tell you without







talking to Lars, the guy in Metallica.







Never talked to my little Danish

friend again. You know?







I remember the day you and I talked

about digging a hole in fucking dirt







and smoking hash

through the ground.







That to me is the stuff that's, like--







You know? And we've never had

very many moments like that.







Do I feel some guilt? Yes, I do.







But at the same time,

it's difficult for me to comprehend







that the only thing that you feel







when you look back

on the last years







is rooted in the Metallica thing.







Okay.







Have you ever thought what--?

What I've been through?







I think I've had an awareness

of the pain I caused you.







That's not what I said.







Okay.







Do you have any idea--?







- Of what I put you through.

- No, no, no, what I went through.







I mean, people hate me

because of you.







You know, I walk down the street,

and I hear some piece of shit







say "Metallica" at me,

and they do that to taunt me.







I mean, when I would hear Metallica

on the radio,







I would be like,

"God, I have to turn this off,"







because I just keep thinking,

"I fucked up!"







Right.







I've been waiting for this day

for a long time.







You know? And by no means

is it done because







somebody else very important

is not here.







Right.







Do I wish it was all over again,







and you guys woke me up and say:







"Hey, Dave, you know what?

You need to go to AA"? Yeah.







I'd give anything for that chance.







Is there any last words you wanna

say to everybody out there?







Metal up your ass!







Okay, thank you. This is Donna Davis,

and this is Metallica.







This is, like, a pretty bitchin' club

to play the first fucking gig.







- Yeah.

- How do you guys feel?







- Stoked.

- Freaking out.







- Freaking out?

- Totally. Totally.







It's un-fucking-believable is what

it comes down to. Can I say that?







- You can say whatever you want.

- It's fucking unbelievable.







Echobrain. Yeah.







I don't know, I just-- All of a sudden

this became such a big production.







I don't understand.

It's like all of a sudden, like--







I get one phone call, it's like everybody

and their fucking brother are in town.







I thought it'd be Jason, like,

playing with his new band







in front of, you know, like, drunks

down at some bar or something.







And now, I guess, to my own

ignorance or something, l--







That's what-- I guess that's

what I wanted it to be.







So now I'm realizing that supposedly

it's a little more of a big deal than that.







- Hey, what's happening, man?

- What's going on?







- Sounded good, man. Very good.

- Thanks. Thanks, man, thanks.







- Awesome. Awesome.

- Oh, thanks. Right on.







- I'm Lars. How you doing?

- Nice to meet you.







Where's Jason?







- Jas?

- I don't know.







I think he went back to--

I think he already fucking bailed.







- He went back to--

- Really?







Nice. Go back to say hey,

and he's, like, fucking gone.







Elvis has left the building.







There's Zach. Hey, Zach.







See, he's even blowing me off.







Jason blows me off.

Zach blows me off.







How quick we become

yesterday's news.







No-- No kidding.







See, there's a guy

in an Echobrain T-shirt.







Yeah, that's Steve over there.

He works at the studio with us.







Well, he is.







- Really?

- Yeah.







I remember that guy.







I remember him.

He worked at the studio.







- Which guy?

- Over there.







- The guy in the red shorts?

- No, the guy in the black







that's walking across right now.

Kessel.







Todd. He works at the studio too,

doesn't he?







- Who?

- Todd over there.







I'm sure they're all here, Bob.







I mean, the only two people

in the Bay Area







not working for him is me and you.







Hetfield's gonna freak.







I'm in fucking hell.







This whole gig has brought

all of this on.







Yes, it has.

It's made me feel like--







- You really wanna come clean.

- It made me feel like such a loser.







I mean, I can't hold my band together,

you know.







I start records,

I don't finish them.







I fucking--







Jason is the future.

Metallica's the past.







I've never had a break like this

in years.







Do you know what I mean? And just--

What's been kind of getting me







is just not knowing.







You know what I mean? Not knowing

and not hearing, it just eats away at you.







- Kirk talked to him.

- I talked to James today.







What did he say?







He basically said that,

you know, he just--







His family's the priority right now,







and he needs time to work

on his family







before he can reach out

to his other family, being us.







And that he loves us,

and he just needs for us







to understand that he needs time.







And he also went on

about how difficult it was







talking to you about it,

because he felt pressured.







And, you know, he spoke

about how you always need







to be in control of the situation or in

control of the schedule or whatever.







And he said that this is a time







he needs complete control

of the situation.







And he said, you know, all the

Marc Reiters and the Bob Rocks,







all that stuff, you know, just has--

"I can't think of that right now."







So, you know, I got the feeling that

he kind of lumps in your relationship







with the business side of things,







which was actually

really surprising to me.







But I think that's--

You know, that explains--







I think that explains a lot

on why he hasn't spoken to you.







We're just in limbo, and the longer

James chooses to stay away







from dealing with us,

the further we drift apart.







And I just feel so disrespected.







And that's the key thing.







Was the future of the group

ever in doubt?







Even when James went

into rehab, do you think?







Lars and I, we were wondering







when James was going to finally feel

like he was in a situation







where he can come back

to the band.







And after a certain amount of months,

you know, Lars and I started to think:







"Well, is he ever gonna come back

to the band?"







And that was a really big question

on our plates.







Whether or not, you know,

he wanted to come back.







James wrote something in the new

issue of our magazine, So What!







He wrote a kind of

a little handwritten note.







That note was probably

the most heartfelt thing







that I'd ever seen come

from his mind.







Tomorrow is shaping up,

or is gearing itself up to be,







yes, the first sit-down

with one James Hetfield post-rehab.







Why are we filming this?







I don't know.







We're in very different places.







Or at least I am in a very different

place than I was from the Presidio.







That's a huge understatement.







So we just have to find that if--







You know, if the movie will be

as intense, you know.







To me there was a lot of intrusion,







and I kind of went with it and felt--







I felt uncomfortable.

I felt uncomfortable with it.







You know, a boom

following me around,







and it just felt like I was

in the spotlight all the time.







And I didn't--

I guess I don't really like that feeling.







While we were in the Presidio

filming you guys playing,







- did you feel it then too?

- Yeah.







It was-- It was pretty much

all the time.







Do you think you're

in a better place now?







- We gotta find some...

- I'm definitely in a better place.







Some place that

makes you feel comfortable.







And the last thing we wanna do

is have it impede on your music,







because that's more important

than anything.







You know, one answer

may be there--







Maybe there shouldn't be a film.







I mean, that's the range of possibilities

that we should really think about,







because, I mean,

why do you guys want a film?







Even you said you hope

that the film is made. I mean--







That's a big question,

because, for me, it was really just--







It came along with being in Metallica.







"Hey, we're gonna do this."

"Oh, okay."







That's part of this, all of this...







The bigness of Metallica,

and I'm kind of tired of it.







You might look at it as a friend.

To me, it's been a beast.







And it's sucked a lot of me into it.







You were maybe the keeper

of the beast at one point.







You know, because you were the

champion of that fifth-- That entity.







And, of course,

you gotta find the right balance







between what

everybody's personal needs are,







but if Metallica collectively decides

to do this,







then I think Metallica

can make it happen.







I don't know. That scares me again.







Metallica is three individuals.







And three individuals have to decide

if it's good to do.







But I still think that the priority

is the collective







until all the people involved

in the collective







say that the priority

is the individual.







And so far, you're the only one

that said the priority is the individual.







I haven't said that.

He hasn't said that.







I haven't heard him say that.







So I feel that it's still--

There's still an unbalance there.







We met from, like, maybe,

I don't know, six or eight weeks







before we actually picked up

the project again.







That was when we came in,

and it was the first time







we actually used this studio, HQ.







Anyway, here we are. HQ.







Right on. Well, we're here.







And the camera's here.







And my friend the boom is here.







- Hovering.

- Yeah. Cool.







Do you want me to play the music?







Yeah, let's go. I'm--







I'll put the big speakers on.







I was afraid to pick up a guitar

and fearful of what would happen.







Would I not like it? Would I love it?







Would I not be able to write

anything cool?







Would I write just recovery stuff?







James.







It was probably the best sound

I've ever heard in my life,







just the fact that you

were playing guitar in here.







- Hey, Zach.

- Right on, brother.







Play a riff.







- What?

- Nothing.







See? It feels pretty good, doesn't it?







- Yeah.

- It feels like the next day.







A year later, the next day.







It will be interesting

working on this schedule,







because we really haven't.

It's gonna be great.







And kind of the overview is, you know,

the less time we have here,







the more productive we'll be,

in a way, you know?







It's like we're more focused

on getting the stuff done.







That all sounds really good.

Okay. Now, let's revisit it in a week.







So I think that, don't talk it, walk it.







At some point, we are gonna

have to work a little harder.







- Yes.

- You know, when that feels right.







What do you mean?

What does that mean?







- What does that mean?

- Yeah.







When you say harder,

does that mean more hours?







You know, if we can go deep

real quick,







be intense...







I spoke up because,

"What does that mean,







we have to, you know,

do eight hours now?"







- And I got fearful right then.

- That's okay.







I mean, it's like... Yeah.







- To do eight hours?

- No.







Any lyric ideas?







I'm searching for--







Searching for doughnuts.







- Searching for doughnuts

- Searching for doughnuts







What was the whole thing

from yesterday?







- The Buddhist--

- Guarantee-- What?







No, the Buddhist thing that you had.







Birth is pain, life is pain,

death is pain.







The cycle of suffering.

It's called samsara.







Where are you with this, James?







Somewhere else.







Where's today's sweat going?







"I've worn out being afraid.

My endless parade







of fear that I've constantly made."







"My lifestyle determines

my deathstyle.







A rising tide that pushes

to the other side."







I've worn out being afraid

Endless parade







Of fear that I've constantly made







Frantic tick tick tick tock

I gladly trade







Oh, I need know the answer

Where I'll be laid







I can't find it







- It just-- It doesn't work.

- The great--







You did one great thing.

You went:







You did this one syncopated thing.







Do the whole verse like that.







I've worn out always being afraid







An endless stream of fear

That I've made







Frantic tick tick tock

I'll gladly trade







It's weird. It's weird. And it works.







No, but the second time you felt

really comfortable with it.







- Right.

- Oh, by the way, it's quarter to .







I gotta get rolling, guys. Sorry.







I feel like the bad guy saying,

"I gotta go because it's : ."







If we all know, and we all do know,

that : is kind of the stop time,







then, I don't know, then I won't feel

like the heel here, saying:







"I gotta go eat dinner

with my kids," you know.







Because I have a feeling

I'm gonna walk out of here,







and you're gonna go in there

and listen to this stuff,







- and it's like, that's not right.

- That's not.







I mean, if I wanna listen to it,

I'll go and listen to it.







But we should at least listen to it--







But I know you'll sit there

and start talking with Bob.







Maybe Bob doesn't wanna sit

in there, and when I'm gone,







things get talked about

and decisions are made.







And I feel I walk into something

that's already kind of decided.







And it's a total uphill battle

for me a lot of times.







I don't like that feeling.







Well, that's, like,

just like the last years,







- Yeah.

- for me.







Well, let's talk about this

tomorrow, then, all right?







- Or do you wanna take time out--?

- No, I don't have time right now,







because it's past .







It's hard to introduce structure

into this, and I'm trying.







So, what do you think, Lars?







Can we hear the song

from yesterday?







That we all heard together?







How is that different?







Because we all heard it

together already.







- He wants to be part of everything.

- Was I in there?







Yes, you were.

We all heard it together yesterday.







- You came in.

- All right.







As long as you don't talk about it.







- Is that a way around it, or--?

- That is definitely a way around it.







How about if we just save up

the tension?







Seriously. I mean, that's okay,

because tension produces results.







I'm excited to see

what you learned here.







Up and back. Up and freeze.







What is this called?







Arabesque.







Super proud of you, sweetie.







I'm so glad I got to see it.







I'm working on--

Really hard, on being







the best dad and father

and husband I can be.







And the best me.







You worked hard.







I don't wanna lose

any of the stuff I have.







I know it could all go away

at one time,







and that's a tough part of life.







And then-- And it's just--

It's a total rebirth for me,







looking at life in a whole new way.







You know, all the other drinking and

all the other junk that I was stuck in,







it was so predictable, so boring.







I'm out there looking for excitement

in all this stuff.







The results are the same, man.







I wake up the next day somewhere

in some bed,







I don't know who this person

is next to me,







and I'm drunk, completely hung-over

and have a show to do.







And the result is the same.







You know?

When life now is pretty exciting.







You don't know

what's gonna happen







when you're kind of clear

and here and in the now.







In the moment.







My lifestyle determines

My deathstyle







A rising tide

That pushes to the other side







My lifestyle determines

My deathstyle







A rising tide

That pushes to the other side







I think those two feel the best to me.







It's a tough one to decide.

They all kind of got







some charm, don't you think?







Yeah, I'd be interested to hear

the first one.







From the first take.







Well, let's play it.







- Is it okay?

- Are we allowed?







- Yeah, we are.

- Do we have--?







- We never really settled that, did we?

- We didn't settle it.







Yes. We're allowed.

Well, I'd like to hear it.







Feel free to leave the room, whoever

doesn't want to be part of that.







I felt like it was an agreement.

We're gonna work from to







and then we would not work.







Well, if Lars and I

listen to something







or go through the Presidio stuff,







it's not because we wanna do

something behind your back.







It's for you.







And basically what I heard

is, "No, I can't do that."







- What the fuck is that?

- I don't know, my mind gets lopsided.







The more it goes in a different

direction, the harder it is.







The harder it is to get that back.







What is it you have to get back?







Some control. Some sense

of involvement in the band.







When I was running this morning,

I was thinking about seeing you today,







and the word "fuck"

just comes up so much.







Seriously, it's really true.







- Is that in anger?

- No, just, "Fuck!"







"Fuck."







I just think you're

so fucking self-absorbed.







And what makes it worse is

that you always talk about...







You always talk about me.

You use the word "control"







and "manipulation" a lot.

I think you control on purpose,







and I think you control inadvertently.







I think you control by the rules

you always set.







I think you control by how you

always judge people.







I think you control by your absence.







I think you control all of this

even when you're not here.







I don't understand who you are.

I don't understand the program.







I don't understand all this stuff,

okay?







I realize now that I barely

knew you before.







And all these rules

and all this shit, man,







this is a fucking rock 'n' roll band.







I don't want fucking rules.







I understand that you need

to leave at .







I respect it.







But don't tell me I can't sit and listen to

something with Bob at : if I want to.







What the fuck is that?







You know, I don't wanna end up

like Jason, okay?







I don't want to be pushed away.

I don't want it to happen twice.







Let's do it, and let's fucking do it

full-on or let's not do it at all.







Fuck. See?







Fuck.







Fuck!







Fuck!







Yeah!







- Yeah!

- Metallica. Yeah!







Rock 'n' roll.







Let's hear it for Elena!







We're not anywhere near

getting any issues resolved.







Well, let's get them.

That's what we're here to do.







I don't know. I guess the playing part,

being in the room,







and then mainly being in the room

with Lars, playing music together.







I guess I had higher expectations,

and I don't know,







maybe I'm disappointed in myself.







Maybe... I don't know.







You wanna talk about that?

I mean, what does that mean?







I'm not enjoying being in the room

with you playing.







Searching







Seek and destroy







Searching







Seek and destroy







Searching, yeah







Seek and destroy







If you are not having any fun,







let me let it be known to you that

I'm not having a lot of fun either.







But I've-- I am not interested

in playing music with you







if you're not happy in there.







I just don't want to be a--

Become a fucking parody.







Okay? So if you're not happy

playing music with me:







Is there enough that connects us

to hold on







for a way through this?







I don't know.







There are moments

where I really doubt it.







Really doubt it.







I'm glad you said that.







Because I really, deep down,

feel sometimes that it's just...







There's just some empty, just...







Just an ugly feeling inside.







Just... I don't know.







How much work

do we gotta put into this?







- Then you're doing the:

- Yeah.







Let's do our little roundtable thing

right now, quickly.







Everybody's gotta participate.







Lars, come on.







Hey, Castor, why don't you look at all

the boys-- The men, I should say.







And say bye to everybody.







Bye, Castor.

Thank you for coming.







- Is Daddy going bye?

- No, your dada's staying here, okay?







- Bye, guys.

- See you.







So, what's the deal? How does

everybody feel about what they heard?







The chorus lyrics will definitely work

in that feel.







- Yeah.

- That kind of intro bit that's on there.







- What about you? What do you think?

- It's good.







You think it's good? Was there

anything in particular that you...?







No, I wasn't paying attention

that detailed.







That's just-- It's a lot of good stuff.







I can take you back, when me and him

were alone in my room, in







listening to the new wave of

British heavy-metal singles.







As soon as there was somebody else

in the room,







it just became this, like-- It just had

a very different energy to it.







- Is there any of that that's usable?

- Yeah.







- That's a fuck-- That's a fucking bitch.

- Let's do another version of it, okay?







The first time I got

a real awareness of it







was when Mustaine came

into the picture.







When James was with Mustaine,







he became like he never

really cared about me.







One time during the recording

of the Ride the Lightning record,







where me and him went out and--

So beers later,







it was like, "Oh, dude, I love you."







But it could never have materialized

until it got to that -beer point







and we were alone.







That was good.







Are you sure I don't have

to play it again?







Yeah, I'm sure.

It's good practice, though.







- For what?

- The road.







- When?

- A couple years.







From day one, it's been competitive.







And in a way, that's what has made

Metallica what it is.







That's what's driven us further.







What feels good to you?







I don't know.

I'm gonna try a bunch more.







Can you try maybe like a:







Almost like a strum.







My parents split

when I was or .







And then my mom passed on

when I was .







The only thing I felt that I really had,

at that point, was music.







My wanting to keep everything

under control,







and, you know, it's out of a fear

of my abandonment issues.







I'm afraid to get close to people

because I don't know how to do it.







I don't know

how you're supposed to do it.







- Cool.

- That last one was pretty good.







Yes.