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Alan Menken - Comedy Gold Lyrics

[JESTER]
Comedy is easy once you know the basics
Starting with the concept of surprise

[KING RICHARD]
Right!

[JESTER]
Take what folks think
Give it a wink
You try it on now for size

[KING RICHARD]
Me?

[JESTER]
Yeah
[KING RICHARD]

What's black and white, and red all over?
[JESTER]
I don't know, sire. What is black and white, and red all over?
[KING RICHARD]
Those guys, after I behead them. Huh, huh?
(Guard screams as he is pushed off the balcony)
He was surprised
[JESTER]:
Comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]
Really?
[JESTER]
I'm tellin' you it's comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]
Yes!
[JESTER]
You're killing it!
If that doesn't slay them-
[KING RICHARD]
I'll murder you cold!
[GUARD]
Swear to God, it's comedy gold!

[JESTER]
Well, our work here is done, so I'll just be going
[KING RICHARD]
Oh, we're just getting started
[JESTER]
Ah, right
[KING RICHARD]
Lesson two

[JESTER]
Lesson number two is also fundamental
Something that we call the Rule of Three
Set up the joke
Give it a stroke
Third time, bam!
[KING RICHARD]: Yes, now me!
Three serfs walk into a bar
The first serf orders a hot grog
The second serf orders a hot grog
And the third serf orders a hot grog
But he has no money or neither do the other two because they are serfs
Huh?

[JESTER]: Comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]: Yes, nailed it!
[JESTER]: I promise you it's comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]: Hilarious
[JESTER]: The crowd will be rolling...
[KING RICHARD]: Or heads will be rolled
[JESTER]: Oh, not with all this comedy gold

[KING RICHARD]: More, more!

[JESTER]
Props can be a riot
Ethnic humor, can't deny it
Or a pratfall if it's properly applied
Depending on the viewer
Take it black or work it bluer
Or try an observational aside
[KING RICHARD]: Have you ever noticed how lepers have pieces falling off of them?
What's that all about?

[JESTER]: Comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]: Comedy gold
[BOTH]: I'm tellin' you, it's comedy gold
[KING RICHARD]: Comedy gold
[BOTH]: No doubt about it
[JESTER]: Talent like yours, Sire
It never gets old
[KING RICHARD]: And if it does...
You'll never get old, because you'll be dead when I execute you. Get it?
[JESTER]: Got it
[KING RICHARD]: Good

[BOTH]
Gonna be killer
Gonna be ace
Folks dyin' of laughter
All over the place!

[KING RICHARD]: And if I get desperate
[JESTER]: A pie in the face!
[KING RICHARD]: I dare you
[BOTH]: Tellin' you it's comedy gold!