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Citizen Soldier - Wish I Could Cry Lyrics

Built a fortress trading memories for always feeling empty
Lost purpose running from my pain
I made a prison shining trauma and never found nirvana
Sold cyanide for novacaine

I've learned that there is no healing in not feeling anything
I'm just a cage of skin that threw away the key
To fall apart right now that'd feel like ecstasy but
These walls weren't built to break

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry
I really wish that I could cry

I've had to wear a thousand faces, be fake to just replace this
Panic that my past holds tight
Now every feeling's lost it's flavor 'cause I feel so much safer
As frozen than in fight or flight

I've learned that I'd rather suffer, I would rather agonize
Than lose the little things just for the alibi
That taste of tender love is worth a sacrifice
I'm living not alive

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry
I really wish that I could cry

I've had to wear a thousand faces, be fake to just replace this
Panic that my past holds tight
Now every feeling's lost it's flavor 'cause I feel so much safer
As frozen than in fight or flight

I've learned that I'd rather suffer, I would rather agonize
Than lose the little things just for the alibi
That taste of tender love is worth a sacrifice
I'm living not alive

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out
Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now
But I'm afraid that I've forgotten how
Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown

My life is full of love but I'm empty
'Cause I've been so afraid of remembering
I just want to break down
I'm ready
So let me please

I really wish that I could cry right now
I really wish that I could let this out (let this out)
Million thoughts in my head and they all want me dead
I'm too good at holding them down
I really wish that I could cry right now (cry right now)
But I'm afraid that I've forgotten how (forgotten how)
Being numb's how I cope with the hell that I've known
But the silence is making me drown
I really wish that I could cry