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Ana Gasteyer - New York 50th Musical Lyrics

(Spoken)
[JOHN MULANEY]
Hot dogs and heroin!
Get your hot dogs and heroin here!

[PETE DAVIDSON]
Hello, kind sir
We just moved here from the small towns we grew up in

[DAVID SPADE]
That's right, we're both young and the same age
And we have dreams of making it big here in New York City

[JOHN]
You're moving to New York now?
It's 1975. New York is dying
It's a bankrupt hellhole

[DAVID]
Oh, it is?
Well, let's get out of here

[PETE]
No, we're poets and dreamers
And New York is where we belong
So, one hot dog with heroin, please
[JOHN]
Very well
Hot dog and heroin, tell these boys what New York City is all about

(Sung)
[ADAM DRIVER]
Baby, look at me

[MAYA RUDOLPH]
And tell me what you see

[ADAM]
This old city is going to hell

[MAYA]
Trash and urine is all you can smell

[ADAM & MAYA]
Living in shame

[ADAM & MAYA & ENSEMBLE]
Shame!

[ADAM & MAYA]
You're gonna get shot in a taxi
You're gonna get stabbed on the train
[ENSEMBLE]
Again!

[ADAM & MAYA]
The president told us to drop dead

[MAYA]
Baby, remember the shame

[ENSEMBLE]
Remember, remember, remember, remember
Remember, remember, remember

(Spoken)
[PETE]
Whoa! Where are we now, John?

[JOHN]
It's the 1980s
We're at a power lunch on Wall Street

[DAVID]
Oh, New York is fine now?

[JOHN]
If you're white, yes
It's all thanks to the boom on the stock market and a new diet that's been sweeping the city
[NATHAN LANE]
Cocaine and some vodka

(sung)
[NATHAN]
What a wonderful phase
Cocaine and some vodka
It's how the Mets win their games

[JOHN & NATHAN]
It means no sleepin' for a couple of days
It's a power mix
That shrinks your dicks
Cocaine and some vodka

[JOHN]
Cocaine and some vodka
Cocaine and some vodka
Cocaine and some vodka

(Spoken)
[JOHN]
Wow! I bet Disney's gonna be psyched

[DAVID]
Yeah, but won't all this Wall Street money make it harder for artists like me to afford to live here?

[JOHN]
It will
And as we enter the '90s
Times Square will be transformed from pimps and pornographers into something even filthier
Cartoon mascots
But the old guard will not go quietly

(Sung)
[JASON SUDEIKIS]
Look down, look down
You're standing in my grave

[WILL FORTE]
Look down, you fool
This city I have served

[JASON, WILL]
Pimps like you Pimps like me
Will never change Do what you will
Sweep away I serve a purpose
The scum like you I swear I do
Know your soul is dead You know nothing of my life
My duty is to parade All I did was sell them flesh
The tourists will pose They will look
Next to me You poor soul
And maybe also have sex with me They will look at you
And say
We'll see how "A pervert"
It goes "There he goes"

[JOHN]
But look, it's...
It's the one who will unite them
The one character in Times Square who's family friendly, but also a prostitute
The green M&M

(Sung)
[KRISTEN WIIG]
I dreamed a dream of times gone by
When I was high on meth and Skittles

[JASON, KRISTEN & WILL]
So different than it used to be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now than it used to be

[KRISTEN]
But Giuliani killed the dream I dreamed

[JASON]
Kristen, Kristen, what are you doing?
What are you
Stop, Kris
God, what are you doing?

(Spoken)
[JOHN]
That's right
Rudolph Giuliani, here in post 9/11, New York
The city has rallied like never before

[KATE MCKINNON]
Ah!

[JOHN]
Rudy, Rudy, you're America's mayor
You're beloved all across the country
This is your big shot
What are you gonna do with it?

[KATE]
Simple

(Sung)
[KATE]
I am throwing away my shot
I am throwing away my shot
And yo, I'm just like my city
I'm drunk, corrupt and crazy
And I am throwing away my shot

[LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA]
Everybody sing
Whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa-oh-oh

[KYLE MOONEY]
Billy Crystal!

[LIN-MANUEL]
Whoa-oh-oh

[BECK BENNETT]
Ben Stiller!

[LIN-MANUEL]
Giuliani gonna blow it, y'all
Rise up, election conspiracies gonna rise up

[KATE]
I'll plant the seeds and they'll

[LIN-MANUEL]
Rise up
He's getting crazy by degrees
Gonna rise up

[KATE]
Till I get this vote

[LIN-MANUEL]
He'll never wise up

[KATE]
I am throwing away my shot
I am throwing away my shot

[LIN-MANUEL]
Reputation gonna burn up
And yo, he's just like a city
But please spare him your pity
And he is throwing away

[KATE]
I am throwing away

[KATE, LIN-MANUEL]
His shot
My shot

(Spoken)
[JOHN]
Then...
Then after Michael Bloomberg took New York to new heights

[SARAH SHERMAN]
In terms of how unaffordable it became

[JOHN]
Great impression
And Bill de Blasio brought us universal pre-K and universal marijuana

[UNKNOWN]
Hey, that's not nice

[JOHN]
The honorable Mayor Eric Adams brought swagger back to NYC

[DEVON WALKER]
Oh yeah, that's right
Homeless dudes who want to push people onto the subway tracks
They got that swagger back, baby
Woo!

[JOHN]
And somehow New York today
Feels like it's back in the '70s
Back on skid row

[SCARLETT JOHANSSON]
That's right, skid row

[JOHN]
Oh, my God
Who hit you? Colin?

[SCARLETT]
No, not this time
You see, there's a new menace on the streets of our city

(Sung)
[SCARLETT]
Suddenly e-bikes
They're flying around me
They're up on the sidewalk
But they're faster than cars

[PAUL RUDD & SCARLETT, PAUL, SCARLETT]
Suddenly e-bikes
They're trying to kill me
Are trying to kill you

[SCARLETT]
It's like a road bike from "Mad Max"

[JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON, PAUL & SCARLETT]
Delivering alcohol

(Spoken)
[PETE]
I mean...
Then why even live in New York anymore?
It's too loud, it's too dangerous
They give rats free birth control, but not human women?
I mean, if this is what New York is, I'm out

[JOHN]
Wait, Pete
And where did Spade go, by the way?

[PETE]
Oh, uh, he sat back down in the audience

[DAVID]
Yeah, I got a feel for it

[JOHN]
Pete, Pete, before you turn your back on New York, remember what
This city gave you

[PETE]
Herpes?

[JOHN]
No, the city didn't give you that
I meant remember how this city inspired you
Just because the art scene and the music scene are dead
And the city is a bunch of TD banks and Le Pain Quotidiens
You can't just give up
I'm just asking you, nay, all of us here to still believe in the power of New York
And to give the city we love

(Sung)
[KENAN THOMPSON]
One day more
Another day, another destiny
Still have a horse and carriage
How can it be?

[MAYA]
Even though it's full of crime
There's no place else, I'd spend my time

[KENAN & MAYA]
One day more

[CECILY STRONG & NICK JONAS]
We would not live another place

[KENAN]
Is that Nick Jonas?

[CECILY]
Yes

[CECILY & NICK]
Though we cannot afford apartment

[KENAN & MAYA]
One day more

[ANA GASTEYER & TARAN KILLAM]
We will surround you night and day
Our rise to power's merely stuttered

[JASON]
One day more

[WILL]
One day more for a solution
How to stop the violent crime

[JASON & WILL]
Most cities don't have mole people
Here it happens all the time

[KENAN]
One day more

[KRISTEN]
I dreamed a dream that King Kong died
Then I remembered he's in Florida

[PETE]
My place is here
I fight with you

[ALL]
Tomorrow we'll discover what our godless city has in store
One more dawn
One more day
One day
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